I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
