I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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