just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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