somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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