Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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