Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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