so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
