why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
