And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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