Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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