just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
