absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
