you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
