I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
