Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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