great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
