Don't you send me to vm
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
