He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
