If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
