No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
