some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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