ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My pussy is not your playground.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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