his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize