So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
