Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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