i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
