Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
