that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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