I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
