So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
