I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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