Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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