Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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