Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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