You really coming over, don't trick.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
