He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
