I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
