i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
