This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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