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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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