Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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