Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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