Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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