I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
