i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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