Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
