I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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