YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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