I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
