My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
