im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My cat gives me a boner
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
