When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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