3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
