Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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