I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
