i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
