not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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