and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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