Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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