ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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