Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
