The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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