Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
