I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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