I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
