i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
