so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you would pick up someone in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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