just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
