if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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