Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
