You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
