Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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